Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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