Dual....:-)
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
