and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
