I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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