My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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