Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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