I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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