If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
