I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
