I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
