it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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