I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
