You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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