I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
