My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
