If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
