I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
