You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
