At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Randomize
