So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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