Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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