I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
