Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
