ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I need to align my fucking chakras
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
