I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
