Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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