Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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