im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
