Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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