I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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