Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
