Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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