soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I have already put on my inside pants.
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