Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I can text with my tongue
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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