Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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