We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You made out with two different species that night
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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