smell my finger.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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