He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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