I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
