I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It's never too late to be topless.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
