I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
