i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
