I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
