so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
