I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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