Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
nutella sex= disaster
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
