Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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