I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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