you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
