Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
