he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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