Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
