Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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