his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
