she woke up with a sticky ear
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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