Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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